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look for the girl with the broken smile
mia_love

i always get separation anxiety. more on places and things. maybe because i rely more on memory than on what can be.

tomorrow i leave this place, even if it is different, it did feel like home for a while.

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mia_love

sometimes, like now, i find it sadder to leave an empty apartment, than to come home to one.

is my heart trying to tell me something?

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mia_love

walking by the hudson river was nice. it got me thinking, that this is like the first place that i've been, that i have felt, i could really, really live here.

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mia_love

back to me...

i should not let my heart fill with envy. i should not let jealousy bring me down. i have to be happy for other people, for maybe, my time will come.

but it is always difficult. when all you have are regrets...

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mia_love

things i didn't like about the ending:

- how shunji died
- how kang-to looked like and acted like a robot after mokdan's death
- how they resolved rie's identity issue
- how kang-to brushed aside rie
- how kang-to was reduced to someone unfeeling in the end

i did like the part where rie told shunji to hold on to her. it would be nice if he did, then they can heal each other's wounds. shunji's death really didn't make sense, it just reinforces the fact that he is the coward. that was a cop out, like boom, dead, i don't have to think about you anymore.

i like that rie walked away. i called it, she'd live, but she is still a question mark, where does she go then?

i think i'd write more later. but i felt cheated of the stories that could have been told.

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mia_love

i have to wait for subs, but i did not understand rie today. maybe because he plot was dropped, maybe the writer got tired writing her character, or maybe the writer doesn't want her to earn more sympathies, maybe so that mokdan will shine more, better to paint rie in muddled colors.

rie today, seems hopeless, unsure of herself, prepared to die. or maybe, as i have been saying all along, she is just a coward. i did not find the way she seems to be ready for death, all brave. for me, bravery is running away, standing up, not desperately trying to hold on to something that is not yours to have. or maybe, rie felt that there is nothing to come home to, the koreans will not accept her anyway, so why risk the only identity she knew?

it was sweet that katsuyama asked her to run away. i know she wouldn't go, because there is no logic to it, but i don't think the reason she gave is true, that it is because he is powerless. power is all rie knows and acknowledge, that's why she so desperately clings to it. but for katsuyama, i think she just doesn't want him hurt, the same way that she doesn't want shunji hurt. our little rie is starting to see past herself.

rie is the biggest question mark right now. maybe she will be korea's hope, or maybe she will disappear with the wind. either way, i want to be satisfied on how her story ends.

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mia_love

mokdan has to die.

there, i said it.

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mia_love

shunji was the one who stopped hitting first, i don't know if it is because he is tired, or he felt something else, or the director said he had to stop hitting first. after that, kang-to stopped, but shunji is just looking at him, we don't get to see what's inside his mind, but we got to see what is inside kang-to though, and there was what i was looking for, regret, remembrance, he saw shunji as his friend, or remembered that shunji was once his friend and i think i can root for him again.

and then mok dan came into the scene. maybe it is mokdan who makes me not want to root for kang-to.

we don't get to see inside shunji's mind today, i think it was intentional. all his moves are deliberate, to make people hate him. but park ki woong, has this way, that elicits sympathy even if he is all evil mode, i don't think it was written that way, but it is what park ki woong brought to the character.

shunji today is all chess pieces. he strategizes, he steels himself for the fight, he loses himself to what the ideal was, he foolishly believes that he can come back to what he once was. all is deliberate, all are math equation, we are not supposed to care. but i do, now i want him to kill mokdan, so that kang-to will have the chance to kill him. that way he has his own sin, and he deserved to die, not just because he is japanese. maybe that will be his redemption of sorts, i will buy that. i hate that all the sins attached to him are not his own to begin with, it was his lineage, his family, he just followed through with it because there is no other road. meanwhile, kang-to's road to redemption is just because he is korean. are people really expecting shunji's redemption is to be a korean, which he is not, in the first place?

i am thinking that there is no rie redemption in this story. again, the writer trying to paint her to fail, so that compared to mokdan, mokdan is the one to root for, that she is the strong one. rie is all hiding and cowardly, mokdan is all courage and sacrifice. but i think han chae ah makes rie the more sympathetic one, that's why i am rooting for her more.

it might be weird i am rooting for our second leads. one is complex, all twisted loyalties, all fractured identities. the other is just simple, all simple dreams that just so happened to be in a cross road of evil and family ties. maybe they'll heal each other. maybe they can run away together. it's amazing that they talk more, communicate more than our leads. i ship them now. :-)

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mia_love

i want to protect shunji from the end. i want to hide him and shelter him from revenge, from the war. i want to hide him from such judgemental eyes.

and whoever did say that it's okay to kill people because they did something wrong. so because, shunji's family killed kang-to's, then it's okay for kang-to to kill them. is shunji not allowed to run after their killer? to ask questions? do they expect him to agree because they are bad people anyway. in the end, they are still shunji's family. he deserves an answer as much as they next guy. do they expect him to walk out during his conversation with his father about lee sun, and say "you're a bad person, father, you deserve what is happening to you". not likely. because he's now the filial son, since he is no longer a friend.

and so the wheel of double standards go on and on.

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mia_love

i am going to be disappointed if shunji dies for the "right path", which i'm pretty sure points to korea. though i am not really sure what i want his end to be. all i know is, i don't want him "seeing the light of day" and suddenly fight with the independence movement, they didn't want him, for one. they just see him as the enemy. even at the start, because, he's a japanese.

i want kang-to to acknowledge his friend. not the pathetic aknowledging he has been doing the past episodes, which is rather selfish anyway. i want him to see what shunji once was, and see his friend, not an enemy, not a friend he has to kill, not a friend who has killed, just his friend. or even if he did not treat him as a friend ever, just acknowledge that shunji did treat him as a friend.

if shunji has to die, then i don't want him killed by the independence movement, i don't want them winning in that way. i want him to die, and people will regret the life he could have lived, and not cheer for finally killing the enemy.

i don't know, maybe he'll escape with rie, and they will heal each other's wounds.

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